What are these 'books' you speak of?
Oct. 2nd, 2005 02:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pride_of_erinHmm, I just started reading this thing called a 'book' - it has pages and a cover, and you don't read it off a monitor screen, and apparently the author actually got paid to write it. Yeah, completely bizarre and foreign concept to me too. So anyway this 'book' is called Pride and Promiscuity: The Lost Sex Scenes of Jane Austen by Arielle Eckstut, and it's funny as hell. Contains such scenes as Jane Bennet getting frisky with the Bingley sisters, and Charlotte and Mr Collins indulging in a little S&M - poor Jane Austen is probably rolling in her grave.
My favourite of course is the 'lost scene' from Emma, where Frank Churchill attempts to seduce Mr Knightly - "How very fine is your posture, sir! How rigid and erect!" *Snerk*. I love dirty puns, and of course, being written in the style of Jane Austen, this book's full of them: "I have never played billiards," he said, "I have never learnt how, and have been often at a disadvantage as a result. Sir, would you be so kind as to show me how to manipulate this wonderfully long and admirably smooth weapon?" This one also cracked me up: "It's hard to imagine how I long for you. Would you like to know the exact dimensions of my longing?" Bwahahaha!
But what gets me is that this book is essentially fanfic - someone filling in the missing pieces of another's work. Yet she somehow managed to get paid for her efforts - jeez, where do I sign up for that deal?!
Firsts
First job: Baby-sitting
First screen name: 83pixel
First piercing/tattoo: Ears pierced when I was 5.
First credit card: Don't have one - in enough debt as it is.
First true love: Ben. He broke my heart - asshole.
First enemy: Just about every boy at my primary school.
First big trip: To Queensland when I was 7.
First concert: Never been to one. Unless you count Play School concerts - which I don't.
First musician you remember hearing in your house: Hmm, it was probably my Dad playing something like Abba or Bee Gees or Olivia Newton-John (*snerk*, Dad is such a closet gay).
Last
Last big car ride: Probably the last time we drove up to Queensland, which was in 2000. Shit, I need to get out more.
Last kiss: From my Mum this morning. Last real kiss? Oh, that's just depressing...
Last library book checked out: Research books for an essay.
Last movie seen: Dukes of Hazzard.
Last food consumed: McNuggets.
Last phone call: Giving my sister advice about my nephew.
Last CD played: I think it was Stacie Orrico.
Last annoyance: Fucking![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bundy1988 being a bitch, as per bloody usual.
Last soda drank: Coke from Maccas.
Last ice cream eaten: Soft-serve from Maccas (and what is up with those being fucking 50c now? We'll never raise the price from 30c, my ass).
Last time scolded: Bybundy1988 about shit that's none of her business 'cause she thinks she's my goddamn mother - I'm the older sister, bitch, not you, ME.
Last website visited: Besides LJ? Think it was my uni site.
I AM: Short, weird, lazy, occasionally funny, short-tempered and addicted to the Internet.
I WANT: To never have money problems again and to meet Lee Tergesen some day.
I HAVE: Deadlines I'm scrambling to meet, severe stress, anxiety pains in my stomach and a massive headache.
I WISH: It was two years from now - when all the upheavals in my life are over, and I'm settled and content.
I HATE: One of my older brothers, university, essays, deadlines, and being told I'm worthless.
I FEAR: The future, growing-up and the huge teaching prac I have to do in a couple of weeks. And blood tests - *shudder*.
I HEAR: Maxie (my laptop) humming, and people talking down the other end of the house.
I WONDER: If I'll ever reach a point where I'm not afraid anymore.
I REGRET: Being such a lazy sod, and getting myself into these messes, re: deadlines.
I LOVE: My parents, most of my siblings (most of the time), my friends, Maxie, my TV shows, and Lee Tergesen.
I ACHE: For a man to love me the way I love him, and not be an insecure, commitment-phobic emotional fuck-wit like every other guy I've been involved with.
I ALWAYS: Leave things 'til the last minute and spend too much money on other people.
I AM NOT: A hard worker.
I DANCE: As often as I can.
I SING: Nowhere near as much I used to after someone pointed out that I really suck at it.
I CRY: Not as I often as I'd like to sometimes because my meds won't let me.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: A miserable git. Sometimes I'm really happy - just not lately *sigh*.
I WRITE: Because it makes me happy, and it's the only thing I was ever told I was good at.
I WIN: Nothing. Never won in my life.
I CONFUSE: Everything. Mostly priorities - what's important and what's not.
I NEED: A fucking holiday!
I SHOULD: Be more grateful for the blessings I do have.
Yes or No
YOU KEEP A DIARY: No. I've tried occasionally, but I always give up on it.
YOU LIKE TO COOK: Hell no. Why spend all that time preparing something that's down your throat and gone in 5 seconds? It's a waste of time and energy.
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: Tons.
HAVE A CRUSH: Not on anyone in RL. Just Lee, *g*
WANT TO GET MARRIED: I hope to someday, yes.
GET MOTION SICKNESS: Never.
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: As if.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: Yes, I love the crazy nutcases that spawned me.
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: Indifferent.
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Dark blonde.
EYE COLOR: Blue.
BIRTHPLACE: Caringbah, NSW, Australia.
Favorites
NUMBER: 83
COLOR: Blue
DAY: Saturday
MONTH: December (Christmas!!! *g*)
SONG(S): I have heaps.
SEASON: Summer.
DRINK: Lemonade.
Preferences
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: Both.
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Hot chocolate.
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: White.
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Vanilla.
In The Last 24 Hrs, Have You...
CRIED? No, but I wanted to.
HELPED SOMEONE? No.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? Yes.
GOTTEN SICK? No, but I felt like I would.
GONE TO THE MOVIES. No.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? No.
SAID 'I love you'? To my Dad.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: No.
TALKED TO AN EX?: No.
MISSED AN EX?: Oh fuck - let's not go there.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: In LJ, yeah.
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: No.
MISSED SOMEONE? Yes.
Would You Ever:
1. Eat a bug?: No.
2. Bungee jump?: Yes.
3. Kill someone?: Only in self-defense or the defense of a loved one.
4. Parachute from a plane? Hell yes! I've wanted to go sky-diving for years.
5. Walk on hot coals? No way - I'm so terrified of being burnt I won't even take things out of the oven.
6. Go out with someone for their looks? Since most good-looking guys are assholes, no.
7. Be a vegetarian? Heh, Tried that for about a month when I was 13. Then I thought, 'Fuck this, I want a hamburger.'
8. Wear plaid with stripes? May have worn that mismatched combo to bed on occassion.
9. IM a stranger? No.
10. Sing Karaoke? I did once.
11. Get drunk off your bum? All the time :)
12. Run a red light? No.
13. Star in a porn video? Hmm...actually I might - completely depends on the circumstances though.
14. Dye your hair blue? No.
15. Be on Survivor? The concept for that show was forged in the fires of Hell by Satan himself. So no.
16. Wear makeup in public?: Yeah, but only when I'm going to work or going out at night.
17. Not wear makeup in public? Most of the time.
18. Cheat on a test? I wouldn't copy off another person, but I have sneaked in notes to copy from.
19. Make someone cry? Sure, if they piss me off enough.
20. Date someone more than 10 years older than you? Gladly. I'd even date a certain someone who was 18 years older than me. As most of you know. *bg*.
My favourite of course is the 'lost scene' from Emma, where Frank Churchill attempts to seduce Mr Knightly - "How very fine is your posture, sir! How rigid and erect!" *Snerk*. I love dirty puns, and of course, being written in the style of Jane Austen, this book's full of them: "I have never played billiards," he said, "I have never learnt how, and have been often at a disadvantage as a result. Sir, would you be so kind as to show me how to manipulate this wonderfully long and admirably smooth weapon?" This one also cracked me up: "It's hard to imagine how I long for you. Would you like to know the exact dimensions of my longing?" Bwahahaha!
But what gets me is that this book is essentially fanfic - someone filling in the missing pieces of another's work. Yet she somehow managed to get paid for her efforts - jeez, where do I sign up for that deal?!
Firsts
First job: Baby-sitting
First screen name: 83pixel
First piercing/tattoo: Ears pierced when I was 5.
First credit card: Don't have one - in enough debt as it is.
First true love: Ben. He broke my heart - asshole.
First enemy: Just about every boy at my primary school.
First big trip: To Queensland when I was 7.
First concert: Never been to one. Unless you count Play School concerts - which I don't.
First musician you remember hearing in your house: Hmm, it was probably my Dad playing something like Abba or Bee Gees or Olivia Newton-John (*snerk*, Dad is such a closet gay).
Last
Last big car ride: Probably the last time we drove up to Queensland, which was in 2000. Shit, I need to get out more.
Last kiss: From my Mum this morning. Last real kiss? Oh, that's just depressing...
Last library book checked out: Research books for an essay.
Last movie seen: Dukes of Hazzard.
Last food consumed: McNuggets.
Last phone call: Giving my sister advice about my nephew.
Last CD played: I think it was Stacie Orrico.
Last annoyance: Fucking
bundy1988 being a bitch, as per bloody usual.Last soda drank: Coke from Maccas.
Last ice cream eaten: Soft-serve from Maccas (and what is up with those being fucking 50c now? We'll never raise the price from 30c, my ass).
Last time scolded: By
bundy1988 about shit that's none of her business 'cause she thinks she's my goddamn mother - I'm the older sister, bitch, not you, ME.Last website visited: Besides LJ? Think it was my uni site.
I AM: Short, weird, lazy, occasionally funny, short-tempered and addicted to the Internet.
I WANT: To never have money problems again and to meet Lee Tergesen some day.
I HAVE: Deadlines I'm scrambling to meet, severe stress, anxiety pains in my stomach and a massive headache.
I WISH: It was two years from now - when all the upheavals in my life are over, and I'm settled and content.
I HATE: One of my older brothers, university, essays, deadlines, and being told I'm worthless.
I FEAR: The future, growing-up and the huge teaching prac I have to do in a couple of weeks. And blood tests - *shudder*.
I HEAR: Maxie (my laptop) humming, and people talking down the other end of the house.
I WONDER: If I'll ever reach a point where I'm not afraid anymore.
I REGRET: Being such a lazy sod, and getting myself into these messes, re: deadlines.
I LOVE: My parents, most of my siblings (most of the time), my friends, Maxie, my TV shows, and Lee Tergesen.
I ACHE: For a man to love me the way I love him, and not be an insecure, commitment-phobic emotional fuck-wit like every other guy I've been involved with.
I ALWAYS: Leave things 'til the last minute and spend too much money on other people.
I AM NOT: A hard worker.
I DANCE: As often as I can.
I SING: Nowhere near as much I used to after someone pointed out that I really suck at it.
I CRY: Not as I often as I'd like to sometimes because my meds won't let me.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: A miserable git. Sometimes I'm really happy - just not lately *sigh*.
I WRITE: Because it makes me happy, and it's the only thing I was ever told I was good at.
I WIN: Nothing. Never won in my life.
I CONFUSE: Everything. Mostly priorities - what's important and what's not.
I NEED: A fucking holiday!
I SHOULD: Be more grateful for the blessings I do have.
Yes or No
YOU KEEP A DIARY: No. I've tried occasionally, but I always give up on it.
YOU LIKE TO COOK: Hell no. Why spend all that time preparing something that's down your throat and gone in 5 seconds? It's a waste of time and energy.
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: Tons.
HAVE A CRUSH: Not on anyone in RL. Just Lee, *g*
WANT TO GET MARRIED: I hope to someday, yes.
GET MOTION SICKNESS: Never.
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: As if.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: Yes, I love the crazy nutcases that spawned me.
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: Indifferent.
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: Dark blonde.
EYE COLOR: Blue.
BIRTHPLACE: Caringbah, NSW, Australia.
Favorites
NUMBER: 83
COLOR: Blue
DAY: Saturday
MONTH: December (Christmas!!! *g*)
SONG(S): I have heaps.
SEASON: Summer.
DRINK: Lemonade.
Preferences
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: Both.
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Hot chocolate.
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: White.
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Vanilla.
In The Last 24 Hrs, Have You...
CRIED? No, but I wanted to.
HELPED SOMEONE? No.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? Yes.
GOTTEN SICK? No, but I felt like I would.
GONE TO THE MOVIES. No.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? No.
SAID 'I love you'? To my Dad.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: No.
TALKED TO AN EX?: No.
MISSED AN EX?: Oh fuck - let's not go there.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: In LJ, yeah.
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: No.
MISSED SOMEONE? Yes.
Would You Ever:
1. Eat a bug?: No.
2. Bungee jump?: Yes.
3. Kill someone?: Only in self-defense or the defense of a loved one.
4. Parachute from a plane? Hell yes! I've wanted to go sky-diving for years.
5. Walk on hot coals? No way - I'm so terrified of being burnt I won't even take things out of the oven.
6. Go out with someone for their looks? Since most good-looking guys are assholes, no.
7. Be a vegetarian? Heh, Tried that for about a month when I was 13. Then I thought, 'Fuck this, I want a hamburger.'
8. Wear plaid with stripes? May have worn that mismatched combo to bed on occassion.
9. IM a stranger? No.
10. Sing Karaoke? I did once.
11. Get drunk off your bum? All the time :)
12. Run a red light? No.
13. Star in a porn video? Hmm...actually I might - completely depends on the circumstances though.
14. Dye your hair blue? No.
15. Be on Survivor? The concept for that show was forged in the fires of Hell by Satan himself. So no.
16. Wear makeup in public?: Yeah, but only when I'm going to work or going out at night.
17. Not wear makeup in public? Most of the time.
18. Cheat on a test? I wouldn't copy off another person, but I have sneaked in notes to copy from.
19. Make someone cry? Sure, if they piss me off enough.
20. Date someone more than 10 years older than you? Gladly. I'd even date a certain someone who was 18 years older than me. As most of you know. *bg*.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-02 06:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-02 06:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-02 07:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-02 06:57 pm (UTC)20. Date someone more than 10 years older than you? Gladly. I'd even date a certain someone who was 18 years older than me. As most of you know. *bg*.
Now, I wonder who you're talking about? Hm... LOL
P.S. May I just say that I love your bitching with your sis. That is all.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-02 10:11 pm (UTC)LOL - well at least one of us does! You should try living with that everyday. *shudder*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-02 10:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-02 10:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-02 10:25 pm (UTC)