A Perfectly Cromulent Girl

I took three of my nephews to see the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie today and was pleasantly surprised to see not one, but two former Ozzies. I hadn't read much about who was in this movie beyond the basics, so I wasn't expecting them at all. Dean Winters showed up as a bartender, looking as bad-boy attractive as ever, while Robert Clohessy turned up as a deputy warden (heh), looking... er... portly? I guess that's the nice way to put it? I haven't seen him in anything in forever, so it was a bit of a shock - most Ozzies have aged fairly well; Officer Murphy... has not. Still, it's always fun to spot a native Ozzie in the wild.

... I will not post about the lousy things that have happened lately, and instead focus on the good.

1. I have a brand new laptop, woot! His name is Sam. Took a while to get used to it, because Windows 8 is the devil, but my techgeek brother fixed it up for me so it opens straight to a regular desktop with links to My Computer and My Documents and everything like it should be and I can forget that stupid app screen is even there.

2. After years of procrastination I am actually making a serious attempt at writing an original novel. A screenwriter who lives nearby advertised her services for a sort-of writer's boot camp (giving advice, guidance, and general motivation when you're a horrible procrastinator like me) and I decided to take the plunge. I meet with her for an hour and a half each week, and thanks to her I am finally getting the story I've been thinking about for years out of my head and into a manuscript. It's still slow-going as I have no discipline whatsoever, but at least it's something. So proud of myself.

3. My estranged eldest sister, who we hadn't seen and barely heard from over the past five years, finally reunited with us. The estrangement wasn't over a fight or anything - she lives five hours away from most of the family and this combined with various mental illnesses contributed to her cutting herself off from us completely. She eventually got her mental issues under control, but then her guilt over cutting herself off compounded the problem and made her feel like she couldn't face us. Anyway, the techgeek brother I mentioned earlier finally convinced her to come visit at the same time he was (we only see him about once a year), and it was like no time had passed. She realised we still love her and that she should have done this so much sooner. So now we're in regular contact on Facebook and I'm so happy because I had honestly though I might not ever hear from her again.

4. The reunion meant that for the first time ever, all nine of my siblings and I were in the same place at the same time. It's literally never happened before, as some of the eldest were long gone by the time the youngest was born, and in the 20 years since then, whenever we've gotten together there's always been one or two of us missing (usually the estranged sister). So my parents finally had all ten of their kids under one roof, if only for a half hour before a couple of my younger siblings had to leave. My mother was mostly just so happy we could finally get a family photo that included all of us - she's been waiting 20 years for that, and she basically threatened my youngest brother (who originally wasn't going to be there at all) with death if he didn't at least show up long enough for a photo. So yeah, I got my happy family feels - as much as they drive me crazy, I do love them.

5. New 'Teen Wolf' on Jan 6! I've already started my countdown :o)

So the doctor finally called - my father does have prostate cancer. It's in the early stages and it's treatable, but still... cancer. The fact that my parents are so freaking calm about it is kind of adding to my internal meltdown about the whole thing. I can kind of feel my brain shutting down and going into denial mode already. Like if I don't think about it, it's not real. But it is. I didn't realise just how much I truly believed the tests would be negative until my father casually mentioned they were positive. Stuff like this just doesn't happen in my family; no-one in my family has ever gotten cancer. So yeah, my world's been kind of rocked right now. Part of me wants to freak out and cry, but I also feel like I can't because no-one else is. Sometimes having the world's most unflappable parents is really quite annoying.

Well, Dad got through the biopsy without having a meltdown, so now we just have to wait for the results. I can tell how stressed he was though - it's like a huge weight has been lifted off him now that the surgery is over. He was more freaked out by that than the possible test results.

You may remember me posting in February about my Mum possibly having leukemia. Well, further blood tests showed some better results, so now it looks that possibility is off the table, thank God. Unfortunately, while we were still waiting to solve that medical mystery, another one popped up. My Mum has always been prone to really bad migraines, usually set off by bright lights, or just moving her head the wrong way because she has arthritis in her neck (hell, she has arthritis all over her damn body).

Anyway, the migraines have now progressed to really bad vertigo (as in can barely get out of bed, clutching the walls to remain upright while staggering to the bathroom bad). This resulted in Mum being basically bedridden for over 2 months, which was really hard for her, as she's the type who's constantly on the go and looking after everybody she knows. She also ended up having a few... well, I can only describe them as 'seizures' although the doctors claim that tests show they weren't actually seizures. She'd start shaking and stammer uncontrollably when she tried to speak, and finally end up on her back in convulsions. Pretty damn scary.

Anyway, she ended up being shuttled around from doctor to neurologist to physiotherapist and back again (with a couple of trips to the ER thrown in), and after a million tests, they still have no idea what's wrong with her. They ruled out strokes, mini-strokes, brain tumors, neurological disorders, inner ear issues, etc. It was incredibly frustrating for Mum to essentially be told over and over again, "There's nothing wrong with you", when most days she couldn't even manage to get herself dressed. At one point, every doctor was telling her it must psychological, that maybe it was anxiety (if you knew the kind of person my Mum is, you'd know this suggestion was laughable), Mum nearly went nuts trying to convince them that yes, it was real, and no, it wasn't just all in her head. She kept begging for an MRI on her neck because she was convinced it was an issue with her nervous system. When they finally gave her one, they found a tiny 'something' in her neck - they don't know what it is, but it could possibly be pressing on a nerve, so maybe she was right after all. Basically it's inconclusive, but egotistical doctors hate admitting there's a possibility she was right while they were completely wrong about everything.

After weeks of trial and error, they finally managed to find a medication that effectively treats the symptoms if not the cause (which we'll probably never know), so Mum is not exactly 100%, but way better than she was. It's hard watching her pop a handful of 7 or 8 pills at a time, but at least she can actually function now. She still doesn't trust herself to drive long distances, but she's gone back to basically living a slowed-down version of her normal life. Except on days when she pushes herself too hard, then it can take 2 or 3 days in bed to recover again.

This post is already mind-bogglingly long, so I'll save the rest for tomorrow. Thanks to those who sent their good wishes, *mwah*.

Hey guys, can I get some good thoughts/prayers for my mum? According to our family doctor her white cell count is less than half of what it should be, which could be attributed to several things, the scariest of which is leukemia. This blood test result was really out of the blue, as she hasn't been sick, just really tired which we thought was because of stress and her taking on way too much work as always.

Anyway, she has an appointment with a hematologist tomorrow for a whole lot of tests to find out for sure. I'm just really, really hoping that it's anything other than leukemia - we've been lucky enough that cancer doesn't run in our family, and I really don't want my mum to be the first :(

Hey guys! I know it seems like I'm never here, but I promise I do keep up with my f-list, even if I barely post. Anyhoo, thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes, especially cheights for the virtual cocktail on my profile page - I could definitely use one ;-)

Quick update on me: Still jobless and living with my parents, although the stupid employment agency I've been forced to see for the past 2 years (if I don't go to my appointments, they cut off my dole payments), did manage to finally get me another work placement. Non-paying of course, but at least it gives me something more recent to put on my resume. I'm doing general office-assistant-y type stuff at a community college 2 days a week for the next month or so.

It's the kind of work a monkey could do, and yet despite being somewhat more intelligent than a monkey (allegedly), I have been completely unable to find someone who is willing to pay me to do this kind of monkey work. Oh, you can't answer phones or deal with customers because you're a socially-retarded spaz? Sorry, no low-paying, entry-level employment for you. Seriously, fuck my life. It's not like I have great ambitions; all I wanna do is type data into a computer and be left alone - is that really so much to ask? Apparently, yes.

But other than that, I'm doing okay. My family keeps me busy, especially since being unemployed means I'm the on-call baby-sitter - my littlest nephews and niece are now 1, 2, and almost 3, so that's a lot of (exhausting) fun. And my little sister is popping out her third sprog in a few weeks, so that'll be another little darling I can smother with affection.

I miss you guys - I should definitely start getting back into the posting groove again. And I wanna get my fandom mojo back. I think I've got the motivation to get back into the swing of things - a shiny new pairing I've loved for over a year now is starting to morph into a full-blown obsession, so I'll probably be inclined to share squee, even though none of my f-list watch the show (Teen Wolf). Still, love is love and god knows my poor, neglected journal could use some.

Have been busy as hell with non-LJ related projects, but just wanted to say a couple of things real quick:

1. Thank you to cheights, maddiec24, and colleendetroit for the Christmas cards! They arrived after New Year’s, but I like stretching out the holidays :o)

2. Speaking of stretching out the holidays, I’ve been meaning to post picspam of my Christmas madness, but haven’t had a chance yet. So I’ll do a nice, late spam post (hopefully before January ends!).

3. I’m an auntie for the eleventh time. My little sister, Eleena, gave birth to a girl named Ruby Grace on the 13th. This is only fourteen months after she had her son, Flynn, so she’ll have her hands full for a while, with two babies. Better her than me, I say.

But Ruby is so cute! Poor little thing had to be put on a breathing tube for the first day or so, but she’s fine now; both mother and baby are healthy and at home. Baby picspam will also follow.

Know what the best feeling in the world is? Slipping between crisp, clean sheets on a freshly made bed. Especially after having the old sheets on for way too long. *snuggles into warm, non-smelly, cat-hair-free heaven*.

Apologies for my previous post - I should know better than to post drunk, and I hate coming off sounding like a whiny attention-whore. Thank you to everyone who sent encouraging messages; they really do help.

Anyway, I'm feeling better now, trying to look on the positive side of things. Went clothes-shopping for my sister's wedding today, which is usually guaranteed to make me depressed, but I actually managed to find something that looked half-decent on me, so that was a win. Can't believe my little sister is getting married in a week - she's only 20! And carrying on our family's fine tradition of shot-gun weddings. Oh well, she seems happy.

More positive things:

* Evil Brother is not quite so Evil anymore. In fact, for the past... eight months or so, I guess, he's actually been making a concerted effort to treat me like a human being and occasionally even be nice to me, which has been nothing less than shocking. We've even managed to have civilised conversations with each other - it's madness! A couple of days ago he even brought home a present for me. It was just a little knick-knack thing, but he's never given me a gift outside of Christmas in my entire life, so it stunned the hell out of me. Maybe he's been replaced by a Pod Person? Oh well, if he has he can stay that way - I like my new Pod brother!

* 'Merlin' has finally come to Australian TV! I'm not crazy-squee over it, but I have enjoyed it enough to start reading a little bit of the fanfic. It's nice to have a show to look forward to every week again.

* Have discovered the joy that is Quickflix (Aussie version of Netflix). I've been starting my way through a whole bunch of things that I've been meaning to see for literally years and never got around to. Also get to watch things our lousy video store doesn't have, like 'A Bit of Fry & Laurie', which I'd never heard of before fanfromfla mentioned it on her LJ once. I've watched the first three seasons and must confess to being in love with Stephen Fry's brain. Also been watching the awesome Catherine Tate Show - am on English comedy overload.

* I've started doing regular walks with a friend of my mother's (she's practically an aunt to me). She was diagnosed with Parkinson's a couple of years ago, and has reached the point where it's a struggle for her just to walk around the block. She should improve if she walks more often, but she never had anyone to walk with, and was afraid to walk alone in case she had a fall. It broke my heart to hear that this once-incredibly strong and outgoing woman was now virtually housebound, which also meant she was putting on weight, which was making her Parkinson's worse. So I volunteered to take her for short walks almost everyday. I figure it's good for her and for myself.

Thanks to everybody who commented on my last post about me not being invited to Oldest Brother's wedding - I ended up letting it go, because Dad told me that Oldest Brother and his fiancee are insanely broke at the moment, so probably couldn't afford to invite his nine siblings.

But after all that fuss, I'm happy to say that I'll be going to the wedding after all - Oldest Brother finally called Dad and mentioned that any siblings are welcome to come if they don't mind paying their own way (they can't even afford to have a reception, so they're going to a restaurant after the ceremony, and people will need to buy their own dinner). None of this is a problem for me, because Dad is being generous enough to pay for me. So now I'm going - yay! But now, Evil Brother has decided he wants to come too - boo!
_________________________________

I've also done a small friends-cut - something I never thought I'd do, but I thought it was time. Anyway, if you've been cut, it's because I've never really 'spoken' to you, or because we have nothing in common any more, or because you only write about fandoms I'm not part of, or because you never write in your journal anyway. Obviously, you're welcome to de-friend me as well.

I'm also going to take this opportunity to say that if anybody has me on their f-list purely for my Oz fic (which is a rare occurrence these days), feel free to cut me off. I put links to all my fic on oz_rapsheet anyway, so if you're a member there, you won't miss anything (not that there's much to miss).

( First, the interview meme, with questions from blackchaps )

Update on me:
I’ll try to do this in the least whiny, least attention-whorish way possible, because sometimes I feel like that’s all I do here.

Anyway, my mental health took a turn for the worst, which means I am now unemployed and on benefits because I’ve been declared unfit for work (I believe the exact wording was “too unpredictable and unstable, with the bouts of unprovoked aggression, and entirely irrational reactions and behaviour”). I’ve been put on a new anti-depressant (long and arduous process), and I’ve been set up with a new psychologist after being out of therapy for three years, as well as a psychiatrist to evaluate my Asperger’s, and its relation to my depression, because the situation is probably worse than I was originally diagnosed with. I’ll probably have to be put in cognitive behavioural therapy, and I might have to be medicated in regards to the Asperger’s.

The sucky thing about all this is that I have zero money, so I have to do every thing through the public health system, and rely on my GP to get things moving, so I can get treated for free. It’s still going to take weeks to even get appointments with these people though. So meanwhile, I’m kind of just languishing and waiting around. *sigh*. Mental illness fucking sucks.


Meanwhile, on the outside of my head:

St Patrick’s Day celebration preparations are in full swing at our house – the entirety of my very large and very insane family has been invited to our Annual (except the years when mother can’t be bothered) Paddy’s Day Piss-Up. Basically an excuse to get drunk and eat Irish fare. Mum is cooking soda bread, potato soup and potato scones; we’re all stocked up on stout and pan pipe music; and she’s already threatened everybody with disownment if they don’t wear green.

The really insane thing is that we’re not even Irish.