Grandma

My Grandma just died half an hour ago. My dad's mother. I think I'm still in shock, because I haven't cried and I feel like a bitch for not crying.

This wasn't unexpected. She was 95 and she's been slowly wasting away for about 2 weeks now. She was so stubborn - she just kept clinging to life. Last night, they gave her morphine for the pain, and that probably helped things along. I'm glad in a way that it's finally over and she's not suffering anymore. The last few years in the nursing home were pretty miserable for her - she had dementia, and it eventually got the point where the only people she could recognise were my dad and his brothers (sometimes not even them). Plus her eyesight and hearing deteriorated until she was legally blind and virtually deaf, so she couldn't really do anything. She could barely hobble around with a walker, so she mostly just lay in a bed and bitched to the nurses. Which was fair enough really.

I've never known anyone who died before. I've never been to a funeral, but now I'll be going to hers. I feel weird right now. I think this is going to take a while to sink in.